Today, I decided to write a different type of blog. A lot of friends and relatives are suffering with serious illness, job loss, or death, and I happen to know quite a bit about loss since beyond being a writer, I am also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist.

I lost my oldest daughter at the age of 20, and the “what happened” is not the topic for this platform. This is about Loss period. The loss of job, loss of loved ones, loss of a relationship, loss in a divorce or custody battle, even the loss of a pet, impacts greatly not only how resilient we are, but how our faith, and sometimes even our sanity, will be tested.

In dealing with loss, our most natural tendency is to ask the big question, “why?” We go over that in our mind – we wrestle with God over it, we blame or challenge someone, or sometimes – just stay angry and bitter to no avail.

Like life, death is also a journey…almost like a summation of one’s meaning on this earth – whether it’s the death of a job, relationship, or the death of a loved one. It’s a time for contemplation, but also a time for renewal.

The journey we take on, in death or loss, is one of survival and growth. Will the pain and disappointment ever stop? Will I even get another job as good as this one? Will I be able to sleep at night without my sweet dog Scuttles? Will I get cancer like my Mom or Dad? Will I ever find someone else to love me after this divorce? The list goes on and on.

The good news is that death and loss does invite renewal to life; it is determined by how our mind perceives it, how we internalize it and the acceptance of an “examination” of both our physical, and/or our spiritual life.

When one experiences a loss, it is a time for contemplation. We must go through a process and experience the grief of the loss; and we must embrace the new with faith and a new determination of purpose in our lives. There are lessons to think about as we grieve the loss…what did we learn from the experience…how we dealt with the ugliness of it, or the bittersweet memories we take with us. If a relationship was bad, or less than we wanted or needed from the deceased, did we grieve the disappointment? Did we mourn the fact of what “couldn’t be?” If it was a job loss, did we take away just anger, or surf though what that job was to us, what we learned from it, the experiences we had and the relationships we enjoyed?

When we are overwhelmed with grief, the pain, fog, and confusion are there to protect you. Even the anger is there to keep us from not being able to cope all at once. That is why there is a process. The process is a gift we didn’t know existed until we went through it. Anyone who has suffered a loss will tell you how their life changed and how they learned from the process…because life is a journey – even in death or another loss. It is a call for renewal of the soul; we change through understanding, forgiveness, growth, and a deeper appreciation for this life, no matter what the circumstances. We will know we have grown; we know we will survive, and we will have a deeper meaning to our own personal journey and those of our loved ones, co-workers, or loving pets.

LIFE IS A PROCESS OF LEARNING, LOSS IS A JOURNEY OF HAVING LEARNED.

Many of us have been in the business world long enough to know that Communication is the key ingredient to success. Without communication, you might as well just put a blindfold on and ear mufflers – too go ALONG with the mouth gag you’re wearing…or you could post the Monkey Chart on your wall!

SEE NO EVIL

HEAR NO EVIL

SAY NO EVIL

In the Fortune 500 Business arena, managers teach that team building goes through many stages, phases and growth spurts before it can even begin to exist as a team. You can’t just join a team and blink, you are done, ready to do whatever task you are assigned.

Team members come in all mindsets as individuals and distinct personalities – and an effective team gets to know who they are working and competing with, so relationships and team building can take place. The disadvantage is that an online team cannot physically meet the other team members, unless they are in a demographic locale that allows for that. However, like many other things that may not be feasible, we learn to compensate.

So, how do you effectively build an online team?

Five ingredients can help you build your team:

Low stress
Have fun
Be funny
Form Group Trust
Learn Creative Problem Solving

NOW you have a team and the work can begin.

Only after completing the five steps above are you ready to form your team. Let’s go through each one and COMMUNICATE about it.

LOW STRESS

When you first ask someone to be on your team, more than likely they are nervous because they don’t know what is expected of them. YOUR low stress level is the sedative that alleviates that right off the bat. You assure the potential team member that you picked them because they can handle the task – so they can relax. You assure them there is nothing to stress about, and that this is going to be fun.

HAVE FUN

The next step is to HAVE fun with your team after all the introductions are made. Perhaps a chat room discussion or game on Skype, or in a conference room; games, or just plain “getting to know you” chat is essential for the WHOLE team, not just the leader and the individual team member. A teleconference just doesn’t get it, if when you hang up, you have no idea whom you spoke with other than the leader. You usually don’t even know how many are on the line or on the team with that initial call. The first contact meeting should be designed as a team building exercise so when it is done, everyone knows each other.

BE FUNNY!

Nothing breaks silence and the ice, then when you laugh and tell everyone your most embarrassing moment – or have them tell you what is the funniest thing they ever heard their child say. Being funny relaxes everyone and improves team building. That first call, when everyone is laughing and cutting up, will be the last time the team members feel like strangers, they will know they have just met a whole new group of friends if the team building is successful.

FORM GROUP TRUST

Ok, so you have two or three copywriters or accountants on your team. Are they worried you may pick one over the other? Are they concerned that there may not be enough work for all three, and you may be left out? Are they strung out because of the immediate competition? It’s your job as the team leader to communicate that concern and talk about it. Trust is the important ingredient that needs to be upfront and immediate for all team members and competitors. By the end of the team building session, each writer should be willing to help each other or work together on an article. The focus is harnessing the energy as a team.

LEARN CREATIVE PROBLEM SOLVING

You can learn to be creative in solving issues that are bound to crop up in a team.

First, communication should be addressed BEFORE the confrontation. As the leader of the team, you need to be sure you have exhausted all teaching techniques, guidance and/or training that is expected of a leader, before you call someone on a task you are not satisfied with.

Think about it, the team member has to satisfy 3 people; you, your client, and herself.

Were you clear in your directives? Did the team member feel free to ask you for clarification of things? Which is better, go off, and do what you THINK the leader/client wants, or just ask? Are you as a leader OPEN to being asked?

MONEY AND TIMEKEEPING ISSUES

Has the leader laid out the groundwork or contract for how much you will be paid? Did you both agree on it? Are the rates the same for all subcontractors? Did the entire team have a clear understanding of the payment vs. time allotted for a project? Is the time you allotted, enough to do a good job or is it short-changed by the impact of your revenue?

Important things that will keep anyone from being successful, in all aspects of their life, whether it is job, marriage, home or relationships is usually determined by four things:

Control
Power
Money
Sexuality

When you take this equation and think about it in the context of your business or personal life – you can engage being a team member in ALL aspects of your life and allow success to be a part that; or, like these women in the picture, you can just “C the PMS!” and lose site of what being a team is.